Words are not just words

Your choice of words may not seem all that important, but the power of language in molding our behaviours cannot be understated. Your inner monologue and how you speak to others has a direct impact on your actions and success in all areas of life. Today we want to introduce you to the types of language we use and their key features, as well as actionable tools you can use to identify and improve the words you use.

The power of words lies in our brainstem, where a structure called the Reticular Activating System filters out unnecessary noise to allow more important information to pass through. We need our RAS to ensure that the most important information is brought to our attention so that we can act on it, while ignoring the information that is irrelevant to us at the time.

An example of this is the “new car” phenomena. Have you ever gotten a new car? As soon as you got that car, did you all of a sudden start seeing it everywhere? That's your Reticular Activating System at work.

The language we use supports our thinking and feeds the RAS. Therefore, we can use words to help leverage the RAS for our benefit. Words have power. They create stories. Stories influence our beliefs. Beliefs drive our behaviour. Behaviour results in progress towards our goals and shapes our identity.

the types of Language

We can organize the types of language we use into two main categories: Conflict and Architect.

Conflict language escalates and dramatizes conflict through distorted focus, lack of clarity, and confusion. It creates victim-villain mental imagery and is the seed that yields self-doubt.

Architect language empowers individuals by creating focus, consistency, and decisiveness. It creates harmony and alignment within our mind and body. This opens up possibilities, options, and a sense of calmness.

The following table describes key features of conflict and architect language so you can understand what they look like in practice. As you read through these examples, we encourage you to reflect on which word choices sound the most familiar to you and which type of language you tend to gravitate towards.

tools to move towards architect language

As you read through the information above, you likely resonated with several phrases that fall into the conflict language category. Most, if not all of us, routinely use words that seem harmless at the time but are actually hindering our progress. This next section will provide actionable tools you can use to begin shifting your language from conflict to architectural to help you live a life more supportive of your goals.

translations

A translation is the process of moving from conflict words and stories to architectural ones. There are two types of translations, direct and indirect.

Direct translations move from conflict language to architect language with very little structural change to the sentence. For example:

“I can’t stop myself” → “I can stop myself”

“I’m thinking about probably going to train” → “I’m going to train”

Indirect translations are used when direct ones will be insufficient or inaccurate. They involve a creative structural change to the statement, generally via a change in the action, feeling, or outcome. To determine if an indirect translation is needed, use this formula:

Step 1: Start with a conflict language statement. “I don’t want to feel weak.”

Step 2: Perform a direct translation. In this case, translate from a negation keyword to an affirmation keyword: “I do want to feel weak.”

Step 3: Determine if this statement is accurate or inaccurate. Do you really want to feel weak?

Step 4: If the direct translation is inaccurate, the statement requires an indirect translation. In this case, a change in action or outcome translates to “I do want to feel strong, confident, and capable.”

A final note on translating projections. The purpose of translating projections is not to take blame or pile on shame for negative experiences. They are meant to give you space to interpret the experience differently, which ultimately gives you options. If I hold on to the statement “John hurt my feelings,” I create a story where I am the victim of John and my only option is to feel hurt. If “I hurt my feelings,” I have ownership and control of that story and therefore the ability to choose a different outcome.

Like all habits, performing these translations may feel uncomfortable and clunky at first. With repeated practice however, these intentional changes to your language will become automatic.

“should” detox

“Should” is a word we frequently use that detracts from progressing towards what we really want. The next time you find yourself using this word, try this:

Step 1: Write out one "should" statement. Read the statement and check in with the deeper reason behind it.

Step 2: Rewrite the sentence, changing “should” to “could”.

Step 3: Rewrite the sentence, changing “could” to “can”.

Step 4: Using the reason you identified in step 1, add a “because” to the end of the sentence. Read the statement and check in with how it now makes you feel.

For example:

“I should prioritize myself.”

“I could prioritize myself.”

“I can prioritize myself.”

“I can prioritize myself because when I do, I have more to give to my family.”

One word removal

Have you experienced something recently that left you feeling defeated and helpless? Give this quick activity a try:

Step 1: Write out the sentence, “How can I ever get over this?”

Step 2: Read it out loud and check in with how it makes you feel.

Step 3: Scratch out the word “ever”.

Step 4: Read the new sentence out loud, “How can I get over this?” Is there any difference between the first sentence and the second sentence?

Notice how with the first sentence, we fixate on the problem, assume there is no way out, and trick ourselves into not doing anything. This is also known as learned helplessness. Once the word “ever” is removed, that intensity is removed. Now there’s room to start thinking about potential solutions, leaving you empowered to take action.

4 step story work

Conflict language is often used to create a victim-villain relationship. We’ve all been a victim at some point in our lives, whether that be from circumstance, timing, or a person. However, there is a difference between being a victim and cultivating a victim mentality. A victim mentality is where a person tends to regard themself as the victim of the actions of others and can leak into other areas of your life, leaving you feeling defeated, unmotivated, and helpless.

There is a profound difference between a story kept in someone's head and a story written out on paper. A story kept in the head is seemingly infinite. Where does it start? Where does it end? It is also influenced by strong emotions, making it difficult to see the forest through the trees. A story written down, on the other hand, is very different. A story written down is finite. It has a beginning and an end. Writing a story down gives you perspective and space.

The four step story work process is a method for working through a story to provide accuracy and to create the space to interpret the story differently.

Step 1: Title it and write it out. Title a specific memory and write it out conversationally. Give more details than less and include what was said, what you thought, what you felt, and what this story means to you.

Step 2: Say it out loud. Once read, ask yourself what the strongest thought, feeling, mental imagery, or emotion coming up is and assign it a number from 1-10.

Step 3: Say it slower. When you slow down your rate of speech, you breathe better and are more relaxed. After reading the full story, check in with your emotions from step 2 and note if their intensity is the same or has decreased.

Step 4: Read it and breathe. Read the story one more time, but now take a moment to breathe at each punctuation. Reevaluate your feelings once again and notice if their intensity has decreased.

Depending on the story you tell, this process can elicit strong emotions. The key takeaway is that whatever you are experiencing is right for you. By taking the story from your head and putting it on paper, you get a bit of space from it. By slowing down, a bit more. And by adding in the breath, even more. Space allows you to see the objectivity of the situation, helping you shift from conflict to architectural storytelling in order to problem-solve and grow.

The words we use and the stories we tell ourselves have a direct influence on our beliefs, behaviours, and progress towards our goals. Conflict language limits your potential and creates uncertainty in your actions. Architect language provides clarity and confidence that we can achieve whatever we set our sights on. The tools above are just a few you can use to help shift your language in a way that leaves you feeling empowered in your pursuits, furthering your journey towards physical freedom.