introduction

When considering the factors that have the greatest impact on our physical health and progress towards our goals, we often jump to training, diet, sleep, and stress. While each of these components are instrumental, there is one more that we often neglect: relationships. More specifically, the effect that interpersonal connections have on our physical and emotional well-being.

Before diving in, we want to first acknowledge that discussing relationships can be a sensitive topic for some, it can be uncomfortable to think about if this is an area of your life that brings you stress. This is all the more reason to better understand what goes into healthy, enduring relationships and what tactical steps you can take to cultivate the kinds of relationships that bolster your health. We encourage you to approach this page with an open mind and to begin thinking about your current relationships affect you.

The power of relationships on our physical & emotional health

To begin, give the following TedTalk a watch. It gives a helpful jumping off point by detailing a longitudinal study on happiness and interpersonal connection.

Good relationships keep us happier & HEALTHIER

Let’s break down some of the key takeaways from the TedTalk.

social RELATIONSHIPS Improve Our Health and Longevity

The results of the study demonstrate that those who are more connected to family, friends, and their community live objectively longer, are happier, and have greater physical health. The inverse is true for those who feel isolated and alone.

quality > quantity

It is not necessarily the number of relationships you have, but how supported and satisfied you feel with the ones you do. You may have 50+ close friends, but if you feel as though you were walking on eggshells to avoid conflict or emotionally drained after spending time together, the quality of those relationships may be an issue. High conflict relationships are predictive of long-term unhappiness and earlier physical & mental decline.

Even on days of high physical pain, those who felt truly uplifted and supported by their partners reported little to no change in their overall mood. On the contrary, those with unstable relationships found that their physical pain was magnified by the emotional pain they carried.

The real take-away that is particularly encouraging for people who find it challenging to initiate new relationships is that the end-game isn’t a hundred close friends. A small number of people who you can share deep connection with will have the biggest effect on your health. It also means you’ll get a bigger ROI on time spent with those deep-connection friends, than party after party with superficial level acquaintances. Pay attention to who you have the most ease joking around with, who you feel light and at-east around, then ask to spend time with them more often.

Relationships protect our brains, just as much as our bodies

The last major takeaway from this study was from the participants in their later years. Those who reported feeling like they could truly count on their partner, even if they bickered occasionally, maintained sharper memories longer. Not only do quality relationships help us maintain physical health, they act as a buffer against memory loss and cognitive decline. Shared experience and shared memories is an incredible point of connection. This can happen between life partners, family members and friends. By sharing parts of your life with other people, those moments become co-created and stronger each time one person calls for a walk down memory lane.

How do relationships help me progress toward my goals?

While there is no single answer as to why good relationships are as powerful as they are to our physical health, the following mechanisms have been found to make notable contributions:

  • Stress Reduction - When stressors present themselves, it is easy to feel overwhelmed and alone in your experiences. Having a network of people to lean on can help you find comfort, validation and perspective.

  • Support & Motivation - Those who truly care for you want nothing more than to see you succeed. Relationships built on mutual support allow you to pursue whatever goals you have without fear of judgement or failure.

  • Healthy Behaviours - Surrounding yourself with people who inspire you or have behaviours you hope to emulate can make adopting new habits a smoother process, putting you closer to your goals. They say you’re the most influences by the 5 people you spend the most time with.

  • Greater Sense of Purpose - Many people strive to feel like they are doing something good for someone else and improving the world in some way. Whether that is volunteering in an area you are passionate about or bringing love and joy into another person’s life, quality relationships make life and daily tasks more rewarding.

Creating Strong RELATIONSHIPS

Now that we understand the importance of quality relationships, what are some ways that we can cultivate them?

  • Understand yourself - Take time to learn how you emotionally express yourself and what kinds of people make you feel more like yourself. When does your inner voice/critic quiet down? When you’re spending time with people you trust, your inner critic gets to take a break.

  • Open & honest communication - The foundation of trust is being able to speak up when something is bothering you and knowing your partner will do the same. Suppressing issues or holding grudges is like blowing up a balloon — the pressure will build, and sooner or later it will pop. Find people with whom you feel comfortable sharing your perspectives and emotions with.

  • Replace screen time with people time - Contrary to popular belief, social media is not all that social. When you feel the itch to check the feed, think of two friends you could reach out to instead. Social media is like the junk food of connection, sometimes it feels good in the moment but you over-indulge you realize you’re worse off than where you started from. You can also have standing phone-dates with friends or family members that live out of town.

  • Do something new & exciting together - Relationships are strengthened by shared experiences. Whether it is just the two of you or a small group, find an activity that falls within your shared interests and give it a whirl. Then debrief the experience together, what did you like about it, did you like the size of the group, the time of day, the structure, the lack of structure, what would you have changed, then next time use that information to choose your next adventure.

Assessing your current relationships

Let’s finish up with a brief activity to see where things are generally at with your primary relationships.

Write down the 3-5 people you feel most strongly influenced by and who you spend the most time with. This doesn’t have to be in person, it could be someone you message daily or is top of mind often.

As you consider the people who occupy most of your mental and emotional real estate, note the following:

  • Do you have an overall positive or negative connotation with this person? Do you feel a sense of delight when you think about them, or does your body feel more tense and conflicted?

  • When you leave an interaction (phone call or visit) with this person, are you energized or left feeling fairly drained and tired?

  • Why do you believe that is?

  • In what ways would you like to be more like this person?

  • In what ways would you like to be less like this person?

Now take step back and reflect. Do you feel that the people you surround yourself with build you up? Do they make you feel supported? Do you wish you had a stronger connection with someone in particular? Would you benefit from creating some space and boundaries with another?

Consider too, that there’s an opportunity cost to holding onto a draining relationship. Time, stress, emotional energy that could otherwise be moving you closer to where you want to be is being diverted elsewhere.

This thought experiment is intended to get you thinking about where you want to invest your energy. More in the people that build you up, less on those who (for whatever the reason) can’t offer that to you.

Closing

We hope this has been a helpful primer on social connection and health. There are a myriad of ties between relationships and health in both the short-term and long-term. As someone who clearly values the role of physical training on health, focusing on the social/emotional elements may feel less familiar and we appreciate you being interested enough to read this whole page. Should you have any specific questions, please bring them to your coach, we would be delighted to discuss these ideas with you.